Waiting

Wow, this started so long ago and I finally started posting years later and it has been years since... we can wonder why if you want to, but for the moment, since you are not asking (at the moment of this writing in case someone does not know how relative time is on the internet as I write and may edit and post at three separate times and you likely read at at least fourth time and, well, time is relative as it is, but even more so in blogs on the internet. Still the time date stamp may be accurate sometimes, which just adds to the relativity and amuses me as most things do eventually while I am writing... it's why I write, in case you wondered and didn't know, among other reasons, but I believe digression shall conclude now and whatever it is I came here to write might actually happen), we'll just continue with whatever I came here to write), I wait until you do. Bullsugar! :)

where wandered i part seven hundred and eighty nine

with many hundreds of missing pieces uploaded not along the way and this, merely the bullsugar version of the conceptual browsing (or haunting, even) the momentary and then some nonesuch sundries et cetera with as much vim and vigor as as is mustard (or ketchuped) up at any given hour of the wee time, we unanimously present with all this fawning fanfare and irreverence the latest rendition of the choir of cybernetic angels singing ccourtesy with an independently alternative beat, this one...

fugacious love without trust
fugacious photos
vernon god little
radio 3 cbc
digital detox
fugacious lost portfolios
fugacious archives
the last fugacious (for now)

squeezing it out

so i take the laptop into the bathroom to squeeze out another entry (but geeeze surely, don't call me bullsugar, if you know what i mean) while somewhere in the distance as if from some future dream (or nightmare) a voice ponders whether a kid who loved t2 knew the star was his dad and is le-lo enjoying house arrest too much and is leann too skinny in her skimpy bikini (but can we show the photo another few times) as if that matters in our lives, but that's when i dive for the remote to change the channel or better yet, turn off the world's most popular (and probably most influential and possibly most destructive) distraction as i add one more round to this party bus loosely called (all together now)...

bullsugar!

every rug i've known

every rug i've known seems to be made (or have been made, for that matter) to be pulled out from under me, but then, that's probably because i choose to weave (and step on) magic carpets while imagining that i can invite someone on to share it and settle down, as if that is even possible, so now that it's all figured out, i might as well play the fall (foal?... foil?... fool?... fa la la la la, ya falla?) again and lay down candles in the wind cuz if i die, i die, and if not, well, i pick myself up, dust myself off, and start all over again...

what else is new...

bullsugar!

being different

being different is not acceptible in our culture, which is the clearest hypocrisy of all as the collective egocentric insecurity of humanity is quick to slam the lid on the box of anyone who steps out of it a little too far for collective comfort (from socrates to charlie sheen, from jesus to john lennon, from galileo to timothy leary), challenge the status quo, religion, politics, drug laws, anything people are afraid of or afraid to change, really, and you are ostracized… let's not even get into race, religion, politics, language, or simple physical appearance... just look like the majority and act different, challenge too much, and you are jailed or killed… different ideas are the thing that scare people most and will get you hurt or killed fastest... or in our supposedly enlightened humane modern world, sent to counseling which is basically a demand for conformity or else you’ll be prescribed drugs you do not want to take or have your freedom taken away… you know what that is, right?...

bullsugar!

just keep swimming?

yes, that's the ticket, the key, the answer, the information we all need to be successful in this life... just keep swimming, or moving, in the human case... keep moving through the day and the activities and the stuff of life...

or perhaps that's just what to do when fatigue is high and there's just no more left in the tank and yet there's still more work to be done... so maybe the phrase should be just keep working... oh, but that's a sad reflection of real life and what is ever so wrong with our culture, the workers oppressed and kept ignorant and struglling and therein, easily controlled and manipulated by the few in government and industry who reap the bulk of the benefits from human culture, just keep working, yes, a sad reflection of normal life for the vast majority... silent majority, sure, for who has time or energy left to speak out or even learn what to speak out about after work work working day after day after day...

while the few at the tip of the food chain just keep living, enjoying, benefiting, and yes, living... the rest just keep dying, and that's life...

no really, i was not looking for porn

well ok then, there i was waiting for a moment of non-suckage from att so i could google map where i am going tomorrow (should have done it from work where i have a printer, aye?) when i found myself on my twitter page that i never use to see who is following me (anybody's guess why) and i click on a link in the first twitter from the first follower and i find myself here looking at local amateur porn pictures and i am reminded how most human bodies are rather repulsive (disgusting, really) to my libido/psyche (no wonder i'm alone, no doubt) and somewhere along the way i find a japanese school girl who probably would have waggled my wiggle had att not sucked so much that streaming is rare here, but hey, who needs porn for fantasies when sex is mostly in the mind anyway...

no really, i wasn't looking for porn and didn't watch the whole thing...

maybe later lam lol la la la...

meanwhile, i wonder if masturbating before the big game give me weak legs?...

bullsugar! :)

fox news

the sickness of our cultures is exposed once again as adam lambert's sensual act is banned by abc and good morning america, much as elvis was only shown from the waist up on ed sullivan and the beatles and others found similar censorship and it's been the same as far back from frank sinatra to the earliest human civilizations, the fear of the penis, the vagina, sex, the human body, and all that is natural and beautiful and sensual and real in this physical life... so distorted is our perception that the real obscenities of our culture are ignored, like the mind fuck of talk radio or sarah palin's sell-out going rouge tour (what makes a failed politician a rock star?... the bias of current "news" talking heads, the media in general, moral hypocrisy, and the psychological sleaziness of our culture, that's what)...

excuse me, i accidentally listened to a bit of fox news...

everyone is fighting

for one thing or another, everyone is fighting, if only for the illusion of control... for the illusion of belonging... for the illusion of being better than the rest... for the illusion of winning... for the illusion of being number one... for the illusion of power... for the illusion of order... for the illusion of right or wrong or heaven or hell... for the illusion of love or hate or pain or fear... for the illusion of knowing... for the illusion of sharing... for the illusion of feeling, of being, of thought... and most of all, for the illusion that it is not an illusion...

meet me at the restaurant at the end of the universe and tell me what you think...

speaking of tone

what tone?

exactly...

a great day for america?... which america?... no, really, north?... south?... central?... vespucci?... somewhere between sleep and awake where you still remember dreaming, right, tink?... you did know america is an italian name, right?... and sometimes it's just a matter of when and how to say go fuck yourself, but mostly it's all about the stones... thrown, not thrown, soup, what you do with the stones measures your place in this world... perhaps you'll roll them now, but what you do without thinking, that is the answer...

the question could be who are you, or simply what?

number 13

that is my number, by the way, in at least one of my softball leagues and we have gone to the finals twice in tht league... so friday the thirteenth is a fun day for me, but then, so is halloween, come to think of it... superstitions amuse me most of the time (except when people hurt each other or kill or go to war over superstitions... i mean, take religion, please)...

so bring on the black cats, the ladders, the broken mirrors, and all the still (the stuff too, narf) of superstitions for a laugh... cuz that's what they're good for :)

oops, we did it again

again?... oh well, maybe there's just no cleaning up the act of the incorrigible child who really does not care how the world (that would be most of you, i suppose) perceives the babbling fool online (or is this yet another weaving of the web of the maze of madness that is the method to the means to me?)...

it was supposed to be more appealing as in less ridiculously abstract and whetever else it takes to be popular or at least more accepted as normal every day or really not all this grandious crap but some serious sharing on the semi-light smiley happy shiney facey side just like you...

or was that just bullsugar?

it's all bullsugar

whatever that means, i mean, who knows what it means, i mean, seriously, irreverence is sweet, sugar... everything is serious, in it's own way, but taking anything too seriously is just plain sick and a waste of time cuz life is short and the fun is the point if you love and let yourself be loved cuz love is the point if you make it fun (honesty without harm is the way, yay) so sweeten the ride and lighten the load cuz it's all too heavy to be burdened by worry and selfish emo (and you know what i mean, i mean, what it means)...

and what's this soul cake sting is singing about these days?... i mean, has the beard gone to his head?... or is that a small cake?... a salt cake?... assault cake?... might as well be agassi wearing a wig on crystal meth, but what sickness is really permeating our culture can be found almost anytime on tv, extra or tmz or so many other celebrity-sick narcissism only sadder when we realize the audience at home is even more delusional than the characters on the screen, living vicariously as if it's something to take pride in (cuz pride is so important to humans) instead of actually living...

and even as i appear so self-absorbed as i cast irreverence upon the cyber seas in words that at once mock and condemn and bless and judge and laugh and cry and who knows what else (or what is real, aye?) and it appears i am so desperately lonely at times and want attention so much i'll do anything out here (where did i put those the nude videos again?) for your feedback, in the end, as important as your noticing and responding really is, i am here sharing words cuz i want to write and the internet lets me store the words so i can look back and enjoy (or at least learn about, cha know) the thoughts and feelings in my mind and oh yeah, i'l the delusional one...

might as well welcome god into the mix, aye?...

cha-ching :)

the thing was

what?... maybe i keep starting new blogs to see if anyone is paying attention, i mean, really caring in the verbal literary as in caring is a verb sense... nouns, verbs, verbal, written, and all that jazz aside, humor too, it could be that at my deepest core, or perhaps in a nearby suburb, there is serious doubt that humans have the ability to care as much as they need to in order to understand the conscious awareness the mind is capable of achieving when the dominant power is love instead of fear... humans choose fear, though many will claim not to have a choice, as if the mind controls the consciousness instead of the other way around... so maybe i'm not amazed and wanna be and this wandering aimlessly (or so it may appear) is all part of the carefully laid out maze (maze?... a maze?... oh stop playing with words, most won't get it and those who do will only be distracted, but maybe that's the point, aye?) is the test...

what?... nobody said there'd be a quiz today...