Happy Birthday

Happy what? It must be a New Year somewhere, as time is as relative as the comments left on old blogs when delayed by moderation. So I come here from the past to ask the same old story here, in case it matters, in this void so any call home on some level or other. Strange world, out there, yet I continue to return in spite of no sign of life for reasons beyond words. While other dream of games of thrones or handmaids tails, I seek a life where such power trips and egomania is far behind. Where honesty is the primary law and love the only religion. Where harm is the last thing anyone wants to do and because everyone has been enlightened to the peace and joy of kindness. I remain true to this seemingly impossible dream in these times of fear-justified selfishness, no matter the cost, and continue to give all I have away. Even those closest to me allow it, even as it is a road to destitution, discomfort, and self-induced dementia. Hope remains my closest companion, really. Some get the bull, some get the sugar. I remain right here waiting.

squeezing it out

so i take the laptop into the bathroom to squeeze out another entry (but geeeze surely, don't call me bullsugar, if you know what i mean) while somewhere in the distance as if from some future dream (or nightmare) a voice ponders whether a kid who loved t2 knew the star was his dad and is le-lo enjoying house arrest too much and is leann too skinny in her skimpy bikini (but can we show the photo another few times) as if that matters in our lives, but that's when i dive for the remote to change the channel or better yet, turn off the world's most popular (and probably most influential and possibly most destructive) distraction as i add one more round to this party bus loosely called (all together now)...

bullsugar!

narcissism

first, you may notice the warning that random links may appear randomly slipped into this entry in random moments with or without logical reason or rhyme cuz that is the way it hangs around here tonight as i ponder the plethora of posts poured into the (e)thereal in minutes that appear to be hours or days, even, or longer, even more, and the rampant self-indulgence is not as mindless as it may appear to the mindless who do not understand the conceptualizations and rationalizations i present in me pontifications presented presently and for posterity in posts now and then and whenever they appear which only goes to show that it is, as rosanne said, it's always something, even three somethings sometimes (somewhere) and little do you know that i secretly long to share everything with someone who can and will share everything with me (cuz it takes two and it is not all about me, really it's not, no matter how much i joke or tease or appear to be totally self-absorbed, i am seriously not that great a sponge cuz the truth is i doubt anyone could ever absorb all of me, not even half, though i continue wishin and hopin in more than just song cuz there's always hope, so give it to me one more time and just watch me share :)

unamericans

(e)thereal has received almost 800 page views from outside of the borders of the usa according to in the past few months which is fun in a statistical game and fantasy kind of way and i wonder who looks in and why and whether anyone comes back cuz the whole point of public blogging is to put myself out here to be read and open to communication and feedback and responses even if it's salted with much grains most of the time (cuz wisdom overrules fantasy as age repeats the lessons and the rational mind gains pleasure in being right more than the irrational heart craves the adrenaline rush of the roller coaster of emotional chaos) there is still hope (always hope) that you were meant for me and i was meant for you, bejeweled, even, and blessed be the children, every one, while this little piggy full of excitement and hopefulness, sat back, relaxing and smiling all the way home :)

bullsugar! :)

petition for time (partial addendum)

actually, this is just a reminder to add this to the petition in proper petition language and all that formal stuff, but i am adding that to my petition to the universe for expansion of the earth's orbit (with the simultaneous heating of the sun so the daily temperature range remains relatively constant) because this body and mind i inhabit requires at least a 42 hour day for optimal comfort and productivity and saturdays should have an extra ten hours, at least, so a slight hiccup in the rotation of the planet needs to be built into the new orbits... so i hope the subatomic particles that designed the universe get on that right away...

attention!

it's been a brain-fest weekend so far as i've watched at least a few dozen videos, probably more, some more than an hour in length and more than half educational in a legitimate academic sense... and there's been reading involved too... you can find some of the links in previous entries here and over at bullsugar, which has become the sister daily blog to this one... and there've been many new videos uploaded to the two video blogs... and even some babbles uploaded to the babble blogs... and more, but just cuz i love attention and want idol worship for my massive amygdala and hyperactive nerons and all-around brilliance doesn't mean you have the time to explore, find the evidence, believe in me as i do, and sit there typing words telling me how great i am...

of course you could, i mean, we know you can do anything you want to do... and i'll return to the music now cuz songs are such good things (and you can't stay a stranger to a song... unless you ignore it)...

kind of like everything else, aye? :)

bullsugar! :)

yeah, something about where i left myself

or where i left off... or perhaps just a random series of connections, links to some other worldly long and winding trail (with many possible tangential diversions) that once upon a time may have thought to represent me, or so someone thought (was it me?... huh?... on the right of the real?... who is driving this bus, anyway?... or that bus, for that matter... what matter?... whatsamattayou?... firesign theatre says everything you know is wrong!... and the laughter scared some children away but the wise one said, don't be scared now...

privacy
miss you
someday
kit
what I do
why
the real?
because
deeper?
vegging
all for you (narf)
truth
history
qualities
moving farther on
if you can
sensual compromise
leave a message at the tone
or check my calendar to find me
the written gardens
the survivors
it's what i do
random titles
privacy
word

remember this

I keep forgetting the use a word processing program or even notepad to type the entries so I have a copy of the entries on my computer before sending them out here into cyberspace and there are millions of words poured out here over the years in that precarious position of existence, that is, in the blink of an electronic nanosecond the words and all the thoughts, feelings, and whatever worth there is in them would be gone, poof, as if they never existed beyond the vague memory some few of you might have of them… scary fragile, this sharing of words on the internet…

scary fragile, it turns out, is a song by butterfly boucher who I am falling in love with in the last seventeen or hundred seconds or so, maybe ten minutes (you oughta know it doesn’t take long for me to fall in love with a photo or song or singer or whatever cuz I am easy like that… of course it may not last the day, but what a day it could be, aye?)… another aussie, which most likely means austrailia is second only to the us for providing love fantasies for my heart cuz there have been more than a few aussie heart bandits (even if i am not into make-up ya know)… though canada still ranks a close second… and per capita, they probably are first, though maybe canada, but I never actually had a physical love relationship with an aussie (we won’t get into my affairs with canadians at the moment, aye?) so if you are from australia and would like to see if your reality lives up to my fantasy, feel free to apply within…

oh so romantic, right?...

so anyway, this entry is intended to attempt to remind me to type into notepad or better yet, ms word (cuz then it’ll spellcheck for me, not that I pay attention to the spellchecker or rulebooks much cuz I am a stubborn rebel and who loves me some typos, dontcha know) so perhaps posterity and anyone who cares might find, read, and find a moment of worth in these words sometime in the future (which is your now, if you are reading these words, isn’t that time thing exciting?) and then I’d go down in history as having existed even after this body dissolves back into the primordial ooze…

so feel free to remind me often… even if you’re not australian :)

do you love me yet?

that is what i am here for, after all, to fall in love with the one who falls in love with me in the exact same way (and it's not fantasy if it actually happens, ya know)...

all i ever needed was the one...

qualities

if you want to attract my attention, please actively demonstrate (actualize) qualities like intelligence, objectivity, humility, logic, humor, relevance, sensitivity, appreciation, creativity, adaptability, resiliency, and simple courtesy... oh, and let's not forget infinite patience, imagination, tolerance, and unconditional love... and insatiable curiosity... and above all else, honesty without harm... and stubborn will to understand and live up to your ideals... and the desire and ability to learn, change, and appreciate word play, subtle understatements and irreverent seriousness (and serious irreverence) helps a lot too... did i mention an almost unhealthy addiction to ridiculously brilliant creative babble?...

if you don't want my attention, nevermind :)

by the time you find me here i may be gone

that's the way it is in this moving world

in this moving world

spinning round the sun streaking through space

dances in your mind create the life you live

you are unfurled unfurled unfurled

pretending we can stay in just one place

begging for connections, keep the faith, there's always hope

praying someday someone will respond

beyond heaven's gate the real is dancing in your eyes

but by the time you find me here i may be gone

by the time you find me here i may be gone

six days later

flashback leads to all sorts of things cha cha cha (the only way to know may be to ask).