Happy Birthday

Happy what? It must be a New Year somewhere, as time is as relative as the comments left on old blogs when delayed by moderation. So I come here from the past to ask the same old story here, in case it matters, in this void so any call home on some level or other. Strange world, out there, yet I continue to return in spite of no sign of life for reasons beyond words. While other dream of games of thrones or handmaids tails, I seek a life where such power trips and egomania is far behind. Where honesty is the primary law and love the only religion. Where harm is the last thing anyone wants to do and because everyone has been enlightened to the peace and joy of kindness. I remain true to this seemingly impossible dream in these times of fear-justified selfishness, no matter the cost, and continue to give all I have away. Even those closest to me allow it, even as it is a road to destitution, discomfort, and self-induced dementia. Hope remains my closest companion, really. Some get the bull, some get the sugar. I remain right here waiting.

self-mutilation

wow, how many bummer days and downbeat entries in a row already?... the release of the disappointments and lonelinesses and frustrations and angers and stupidity (which is at the root of just about every negative emotion i am empowering recently) may be a necessary evil (or is that just a convenient rationalization... excuse?), but fact (or maybe the bottom line?) is i just have not had the time to laugh at the stupidity because i am trying to get some sleep and feel like nobody cares and wonder why bother sharing if it is just a one way street and it really is time for a good old-fashioned human-like poor-me wah wah wah pity party but as i don't have time for even a decent seriously thoughtful entry i surely don't have time for that (unless i give up sleep and set myself up for going into work tired and vulnerable but the disfunctional family is not the place to walk in tired and vulnerable so i plod ahead sort of holding my breath treading water waiting for the next wave to crash overhead and enjoying the brief moments of laughter in the midst of the busy-ness and stupidity and all that...

bullsugar!

what?... whatever

i mean, like, whatever (seriously, this is serious, dichotomously bipolar, even)... right, so i finally sort of updated the primary entry page to my web world (the only one left since att deleted the main gate, burned down the front door, and smashed all the windows {sorry joey} and so many other pages, sigh, yes, the house crumbles, but the heart remains... and att sucks... what was i saying?), ah yes, the back door now (suddenly) has a brand semi-new coat of semi-gloss paint (semi cuz the code is not perfect and width and height of the new vitally important text will change and overlay the rest of the page with every screen size smaller than a 15 inch monitor, but it's still brand semi-new and hopefully improved and potently (or potentially, even) fortified with ironic (isn't it?) explanations of what the world wide web was and sort of still is all about for me, personally, i mean, as a writing addict... yeah, whatever, and i know, you may not have noticed, but i am rather addicted to writing, for whatever it means like so maybe now someone will find my still beating heart within the crumbled wreckage of deleted pages that was once my home on the web and we'll fall in love and live happily ever after... wouldn't it be nice? :)

or bullsugar! :)

retro scratchin

no really no no no really really really this ought to have been a passive sentence in bullsugar not the real, aye? e e e yeah...

bullsugar! :)

sleep or laundry

the simplest of mundane decisions, health or cleanliness, as even the desire to share sits back and watches the brain shut down after the [izza-pasta carbs raise the blood sugar level and invite the sweet sleep this body and brain is (are) so hungry for... and the left ear is ringing louder than ever and both ears feel so clogged, is it wax or blood pressure or something else. a tumor or something supernatural...

sleep or laundry, such simplest questions...

holy blogoly

ten new blogs created tonight for several different reasons, most to make sure some blog names are not used before i can get to them (as so many have been wasted before by people who created a blog only to abandon it after as few as one entry or never use it at all... words deserve better than that, even without the over-dramatic mockery)...

and there's a dent in the piles of stuff in the space, even more surprising... and what's all this about bullsugar?... seems i forget every few entries and this sort of random report pops up... but then, what is a blog if not a random report of this or that or whatever... if only there was time, there would be so much more, if only there was time...

and you, how are you?

weirdness arises again

most of the time it is a memory cell that slips and forgets something that causes weirdness of the personal kind because without that memory cell, the uncertainty of precisely how and when and what exactly happened and whether i did it or someone else did it or...

so linkages in recent posts around my personal blog world and emails found filtered by the software (was it filtered into the junk folder by microsoft or by my virus program and why did i decide to look at the junk mail tonight for the first time in months to find a six day old email that came in on the 16th of all dates?... ooooo, weirdness :)

yeah, so alone, i make of it what i choose... and if anyone else was involved in this weirdness, he or she will have to say so...

huh? :)

aimless wandering

that's the direction my mind is heading and there's no time to enjoy it, so i'll just go through the day faking the maturity and responsibility and focus and all that grown up stuff while i let my mind daydream out the window of life...

wanna climb a tree with me? :)

the best laid prams

or were they plans, we coyly inquire... it's an art, you know, the art of the coy inquiry (now there's a blog title waiting to happen... yes, so anyway, the week will be wonderful what with a wednesday to wednesday vacation from the work desk (and i shall endeavor not to turn on the laptop at home or away) and the softball tournament down south (it'll be good to get away from home, however briefly and rushed) and the holiday (but will i delve into the depths this year?... only time will tell, aye?) and such and such (heavy on the such)...

if you only knew, you might understand :}