heavy?

another week begins in a few hours and i am in that limbo stasis between independently secure perfect peace happy happy joy joy and that wondering wandering doubt if an unshared life is a waste of it's true purpose (which opens the door to all sorts of illusions, delusions, and ethereal perspectives and mental constructs from sci-fi to the supernatural to spirituality to normal human insecurity and fear-based dependencies...

i so much prefer the happy happy where i usually find myself, but i do dangle my toes in the human madness just cuz it is everywhere in this physical world and i am a physical body here...

mostly it comes from wanting to share so much i feel lonely and extreme long term fatigue allows me to consider buying into to the delusion of needing to share with a soulmate to make this life all it can be, or something like that...

heavy bullsugar? (lol :)

laughing memories

wisdom would suggest sleep at this moment, but craving calls for ny pushcart hot dogs cuz i saw them while walking downtown after the milessa ferrick concert and i did not buy any cuz jackson is a healthy influence, mostly, sorta, when i want her to be, and she bought the concert tickets (so i treated for sushi)... so i shopped on the way home as planned cuz i needed basic stuff and some ny pushcart hot dogs and onions in tomatoe sauce jumped into the cart and followed me home... i deny any knowledge of how it might have happened... they are cooking themselves as i type this and shortly, they will most likely stuff themselves in my mouth at which point i will be left with no choice but to chew and swallow or choke...

20 minutes later...

it might help if i actually put the hot dogs into the boiling water...

bullsugar! :)

somewhere inside

bullsugar brews... there's just not enough time and the fatigue has depressed the fluffiness (and bullsugar without fluffiness is quite messy and tastes like bad artificial sweetener)... so i won't force it...

at least i'll try not to...

it's a gas gas gas

i like excitable gases and i cannot lie... also like elves and sprites... someday i'd like to lay back and sleep inder the aurora...

blog addict

addicted to reading blogs or addicted to writing blogs or both... for me, my blogging addiction is primarily tied into my writing addiction, so i fall into the addicted to writing blogs group, however i too easily slide into the addicted to reading (and viewing) group, so i am both, with stronger pull toward the writing...

even when it is costing me by the byte...

grrrr, bullsugar!

losing touch

and if all goes well, i will find - i will make the time (by focusing and organizing my energies) to return and catch up and it will seem as though i never lost touch or anything, not even a beat... perhaps... and that will only fit in as well as the name of this blog can be, sweet bull... but until then, it is a less sweet, swiss cheesy taste of disconnect and disjoint... the laughter of the madman, the patients of the saint, and the smile of charlie brown, in a word...

bullsugar! :}

hurry up and wait

humans are so conditioned to the military regime that they demand it of themselves and each other in just about every organized activity they attempt to organize… and since my circadian rhythm and mind clock is way different than most humans of this day and age, what can be expected… they must not rule my regime… so I will be late or early most times, and most times late, to their parties because there are so many other things to do in the time they arrive early just to wait…

bullsugar!...

missing the craigyferg

and a total stranger lead me to tears (almost, more like gawking, but that could be the sleep-deprived stupor talking, or another stranger, perhaps, as nearly random strangers {and musical fantasies, even} and a proper amount of suction, of course)… and I found a good cause and I made some and even made it on to some lists …sigh… sometimes I feel so sad and left out of a life that should have been mine, or so I sometimes want to believe, so I take solace in facebook and ponder twitterng, or twitting, or whatever it’s called, but then, what’s in a name, aye?...

but over in the real, here, there, wherever it is, I am wishing for more time cuz i must sleep and therein, I am missing out on craigyferg, the craig ferguson experience on twitter complete with sidekicks fans and accessories… for no apparent reason, which is almost like bullsugar...