BULLSUGAR

hope i am

2012-01-26T23:19:00.002-05:00

not just bullsugar and more importantly (if anything is), hope i am listening... the first thought as i pop back in here tonight is anybody listening and then before the ink dries on the question mark that isnt there, the more important thought is the title of this blog as i hope am, as i am respectfully, as honest as possible in my writings and sharing without giving out too much of other people's privacy (i hope and if you know me offline and i give out too much of your privacy or if anyone reading feels like i share too much personal stuff, please tell me cuz it is my intention to share me and the life i live and offend or intrude on no one more than they allow but on the other hand i don't want to encourage the foolish paranoia that most people carry around like a shroud nor do i want to feed the monster and wall that over-worrying about what other people think becomes and then hope i do listen and take it seriously when it is serious cuz that's important too and i wish i could read minds sometimes, especially on this subject or the other subject in this rambling if you follow along or any of it for that matter and there is a deep part of me that wishes somebody does and cuz the bottom line is i sometimes tell myself important stuff in my babblings and i hope i am listening cuz if i don't listen to the important stuff i could crash and burn and i have had enough crashing and burning in this life and it sure would be sweet to have someone looking out for me (hint hint :)

what?... another paragraph here?... with ellipsis pauses no less?... and question marks?... why this is possibly quite odd for this place and so i wonder if this belongs here but then, it must cuz it is here after all and what i mean (or was getting around to) is (or was, daring redundancy for emphasis) that i know i give too much for my own good, but somebody else must love the giving as much as i do and together we could help each other give just enough to feel the bliss and not give too much cuz giving is kinda like flying close to the sun with flammable wings, or something like that cuz somebody must understand what i mean from personal experience, and i just wish you would find this writing already and speak up and until you do, i am out on the edge on my own loving almost every precarious moment of...

bullsugar! :)

the writer says: be

2011-12-27T01:53:00.002-05:00

perhaps... all this (or is it that, and then some) is writing the record of the life i kinda sorta seem to think of or at least consider mine from time to time... sometimes appearing (or is that feeling) broken (or is that disconnected... lost... forgotten... abandoned... ignored... unwanted... unknown... whatever?) and sometimes recording remembering (it is a long long way from may to december, or something like that) and that is what i got back to doing, the writing the record, a bit tonight (even if the smile seems to be missing a few teeth at the moment)... the water flows, the wind blows, the fire burns, the earth turns, and love is the fifth essential element to life (to life, l'chiam, aye?)...

bless yourself today, even if you didn't sneeze :)

seven billion

2011-09-13T23:33:00.001-04:00

so this month the planet is supposed to be infested by, i mean inhabited by the seven billionth person and i know you are wondering if there will be more than one seven billionth person, i mean, when the seven billionth person is born, someone might die before the seven billionth and one person is born, making the seven billionth person the six billion nine hundred ninety nine million nine hundred ninety nine thousand nine hundred ninety ninth person until the next person is born who will become the seven billionth person and that could happen more than once (yeah, this could expand a lot more too, but let's leave that for your imagination as we walk away casually glancing up and whistling nonchalantly as if we don't really think you are flat out ridiculously geeked out for thinking this)...

or maybe you're wondering if there will be balloons and confetti...

bullsugar! :)

zoshul skilz

2011-08-10T00:10:00.002-04:00

life is ninety eight percent coincidence and two percent hormones... a lot of other stuff too cuz coincidence can be made of almost anything and hormones, well, hormones can make you do almost anything so that's about a hundred percent of everything which is a lot... and just for the truth of it i confessed to myself in the secret privacy of one or more of my blogs that there is a certain person in life (that's real physical life) who is almost actually sexually attractive to me, or would be if i wasn't so set in my abstaining ways, and did i just suggest i might be interested in sleeping with someone for real?... yes, i did say she was attractive to me... not like ric ocasek's wife attractive, but... yeah, i just have to go do what i do, don't i?... mock myself, mock my seriousness, mock any chance of being with someone for real, mock the whole ball of wax (and her little dog too)... but ric's wife is seriously attractive (for me... of course i know who she is, silly), which only goes to show that the most attractive faces for me are attracted to dorks, musical dorks, no less... brilliance, no doubt... or...

bullsugar! :)

breadcrumbs

2011-07-14T01:08:00.000-04:00

all the little breadcrumbs that mark the long and winding road that can lead to your door, my door, any door (that's what breadcrumbs are for) after all, from the love we saved to the love we gave to the miracles on 34th street or promises in the dark, the musical lyrical references are but the sparkly shiny breadcrumbs, the colorful m&ms, even left along the path among so many other less obvious and more obscure pieces of fractal personality identity secrets nobody knows except the one who follows them all to wherever they may lead (and only there and then might we truly touch the magic moment so oft dreamt of, dreamed too, if life did not get in the way)... the laughing cloud mocks the sun's tear knowing the shadow is not forever and the sun will see the earth again... and the child giggles at the potential of the words... dream on...

bullsugar! :)

poverty is rich

2011-07-05T00:41:00.002-04:00

i was asked once, ”why choose the poverty? in reference to my material choices and i laughed at myself as i sighed for the world as the question demonstrates the collective belief that success and comfort and even happiness is measured in things, in luxuries, in a lavish lifestyle, in possessions and the means to obtain them… and i think back to when i had much more than i do now, when i had the means to travel and buy so much more than i can now, and i smile at the choice i made to give it all away… for it is the giving that pleases me much more than the possessing… it is the sharing that pleases me most of all… but even when others do not share, giving enriches my life experience… it is the giving that brings the best feeling i’ve known in this life short of shared love…

so why do i choose that most consider poverty?...

because it feels good :)

was there ever a doubt?

2011-06-03T01:15:00.001-04:00

silly child, of course not (what did you think the answer would be?... and why if you dare, huh huh huh? smiley face giggle) cuz the facts of life at least as they have been laid out for me in this particular life experience are beyond ironic (even when i am a moody emo child silly one) the joyous laughter tickles me inside (even when we are all wondering what what is what, or which, for that matter... what? what? what? what?) the game comes around sooner or later or so the philosophy goes (comes around, goes around, you know, that what) so tonight it did and there is no stopping the party for the bullsugar (or anything, cha cha cha (no really, seriously even, did you have any doubt?)... oh come on, over even, here's a hug)...

wish you were here :)

where wandered i part seven hundred and eighty nine

2011-06-02T02:28:00.000-04:00

with many hundreds of missing pieces uploaded not along the way and this, merely the bullsugar version of the conceptual browsing (or haunting, even) the momentary and then some nonesuch sundries et cetera with as much vim and vigor as as is mustard (or ketchuped) up at any given hour of the wee time, we unanimously present with all this fawning fanfare and irreverence the latest rendition of the choir of cybernetic angels singing ccourtesy with an independently alternative beat, this one...

fugacious love without trust
fugacious photos
vernon god little
radio 3 cbc
digital detox
fugacious lost portfolios
fugacious archives
the last fugacious (for now)

ephemeral

2011-06-01T01:52:00.022-04:00

that word, i do not think it means what you think it means (ah, the wonder of quotations begged borrowed or stealed (modified, even) and is has been so very long to share to care to be well aware to love and be lost amidst the magic of romance and trust and the illusion of all that and unconditional love and how wildly fugacious of us (or someone) to have thought the concept in another future past space and time and head space were to for art thou you too and with muchness musicology and candor as if the moment had no end until it did, for the moment at least...

more to life

2011-05-31T22:58:00.001-04:00

are you still dreaming or are you cheesecake dancing through your pickled life amidst fractal thinking bent mental contructs bleeding delusional logic feeding irrational beliefs and fruitcake holidays, but not to be denied there is a cure for that and they call it awakening to your own conscious awareness or death, depending on perspective and personally life is more appealing, so here is to hoping you get the point and more, you live it...

cuz there's more to life than bullsugar!

could you be any less cohesive?

2011-05-29T01:37:00.014-04:00

what in the world (and happy birthday to an old friend i miss even as an ethereal bit of fluffy smoke in the older memory cells of the brain) could be going through the synapses with such a tittle we may never know, but certainly there is something profoundly curious in the way words flow through this place and if i didn't know better i would think they were painted by numbers laid out by some higher power as just to amuse those who are agnostically inclined and still, be that as it may or may not be, the folly meets the purpose somewhere between the lines for anyone with any real caring to be aware and ask, even, cuz in the end you are made if you gave all your love...

and bullsugar!

pasta for all

2011-05-26T23:43:00.014-04:00

there is something about pasta in almost any form that is so very comforting (or is it genetic?), whether in soup or baked with cheese and sauce (which leads to the doughy goodness of pizza, but that's another delish-us-ness) or just about any way you cook it (raw, even) there is just something so good for the soul (or whatever is in there) in the stuff... maybe it's bullsugar!...

barley too, but maybe that's just me...

squeezing it out

2011-05-25T00:35:00.003-04:00

so i take the laptop into the bathroom to squeeze out another entry (but geeeze surely, don't call me bullsugar, if you know what i mean) while somewhere in the distance as if from some future dream (or nightmare) a voice ponders whether a kid who loved t2 knew the star was his dad and is le-lo enjoying house arrest too much and is leann too skinny in her skimpy bikini (but can we show the photo another few times) as if that matters in our lives, but that's when i dive for the remote to change the channel or better yet, turn off the world's most popular (and probably most influential and possibly most destructive) distraction as i add one more round to this party bus loosely called (all together now)...

bullsugar!

not that bad

2011-05-23T23:33:00.001-04:00

really and if it is all just a test or a game or a chance encounter in time and space, it is what is is and what it is is right here waiting...

you?

every rug i've known

2011-05-16T22:29:00.001-04:00

every rug i've known seems to be made (or have been made, for that matter) to be pulled out from under me, but then, that's probably because i choose to weave (and step on) magic carpets while imagining that i can invite someone on to share it and settle down, as if that is even possible, so now that it's all figured out, i might as well play the fall (foal?... foil?... fool?... fa la la la la, ya falla?) again and lay down candles in the wind cuz if i die, i die, and if not, well, i pick myself up, dust myself off, and start all over again...

what else is new...

bullsugar!

moods, dudes

2011-05-11T00:04:00.015-04:00

slap the fool silly who whines about emotions (oh you are so emo) as if feelings are cause to put someone down when the true value of life is to experience the physical roller coaster within and all around so just relax (or don't relax) and enjoy it with those who can (or all by yourself) and let those afraid of it to move on after they try to put you down (and you are the fool if you let them) laugh inside and realize (even when they will not) that they are just moods, dudes, treasure them while you've got them, they are better than alsheimers or being dead, cha cha cha...

it might have been grand

2011-05-05T01:05:00.011-04:00

or at least a fiesta (collective groan, naturally, from all who know about the great car search of 2011), but c'est la vie and a merry man's chest (or davey jone's locker, for that matter) cuz maybe, maybe i'm wrong is still one of my favorite songs off one of my favorite albums by one of my favorite bands and the point is not lost just cuz the sleepy apathy that many read as depression covers the many other moods like a wet blanket cuz we will not go quickly into the night not me not you not i so there cuz that would be giving up and giving up is accepting death and i still have another thing or two to ramble on about so hold your horses mr undertaker and bring on another round of roller coaster for those of us who love (salute's unnecessary)...

missing pieces

2011-04-28T03:29:00.000-04:00

this was a different kind of blog of sorts that the critics liked more than the others because it was less personal and more creative in an abstract kind of randomly casual methodology of thoughts and such that mattered only for a moment if that long and occasionally could have been profound if one delved into the meaning but the story never really got off the ground because the emo grabbed thin air and fell from the sky with silent messages (what?) from the sci-fi imagination to the wishing well of emotions long sleeping long burning long lost in the busy business of living each day and then, it got sleepy and less fun to read and write, so the critics went away leaving their own form of silent messages that sent mr tanner back to sorting through his clothes singing softly to himself as i used to do once upon a time, so what is left now...

bullsugar!

narcissism

2011-04-22T03:54:00.002-04:00

first, you may notice the warning that random links may appear randomly slipped into this entry in random moments with or without logical reason or rhyme cuz that is the way it hangs around here tonight as i ponder the plethora of posts poured into the (e)thereal in minutes that appear to be hours or days, even, or longer, even more, and the rampant self-indulgence is not as mindless as it may appear to the mindless who do not understand the conceptualizations and rationalizations i present in me pontifications presented presently and for posterity in posts now and then and whenever they appear which only goes to show that it is, as rosanne said, it's always something, even three somethings sometimes (somewhere) and little do you know that i secretly long to share everything with someone who can and will share everything with me (cuz it takes two and it is not all about me, really it's not, no matter how much i joke or tease or appear to be totally self-absorbed, i am seriously not that great a sponge cuz the truth is i doubt anyone could ever absorb all of me, not even half, though i continue wishin and hopin in more than just song cuz there's always hope, so give it to me one more time and just watch me share :)

did someone say easy?

2011-04-11T23:38:00.000-04:00

i mean, living day to day, out of touch with the rhythm and blues, or something like that in that certain state of mind that i may have long left behind, but that may be one that too many that, after all, in the grand scheme of things, becomes meaningless cuz there may just be a resounding lack of clever thoughts and a redundant abundance of repetitious sameness that makes that whatever that was (or something like that)...

used to be so easy

2011-04-07T23:34:00.000-04:00

or at least it was easier than it seems to be now, i mean, just based on the productivity in the number of entries being spread on this log, or blog, if you are not grossing yourself out, because i had something to say and it slipped my mind and that seems to be the trouble (oh?... what seems to be the trouble?), a distinct lack of time to focus on emptying my mind and wouldn't it be ironic (or something) if that was the way one loses one's mind (or something like that) and in the end, the memory is the first thing to go (or is it the last?) cuz once it goes, you don't remember what went before...

bullsugar!

surely, don't call me bullsugar

2011-04-01T00:24:00.017-04:00

yeah you can give in to self-pity
and just end up feeling shitty
and put off everyone you meet
like your throne is the toilet seat
or you can choose a different way to see
right for you might not be right for me
some will calculate it and some will feel it out
but you decide what your life is about
and that is what life really is about

as nebulousas you want to be
it's still mostly bullsugar to me

splendiforous

2011-03-30T01:17:00.001-04:00

you may not be quite clear on everything, especially when it comes to me (as in this blog) or me (as in the writer persona writing this blog) or me (as in the person behind the writer persona writing this blog) or any further degree of depth or difference or definition we might layer into any spontaneous analysis of the being presented when this body containing me enters into any sort of interaction for your viewing pleasure or not, but i am and understood or not, that is the answer blowing in the wind, the grail called holy, and the meaning of life for anyone who knows…

and may you find your way too :)

self-mutilation

2011-03-24T23:49:00.002-04:00

wow, how many bummer days and downbeat entries in a row already?... the release of the disappointments and lonelinesses and frustrations and angers and stupidity (which is at the root of just about every negative emotion i am empowering recently) may be a necessary evil (or is that just a convenient rationalization... excuse?), but fact (or maybe the bottom line?) is i just have not had the time to laugh at the stupidity because i am trying to get some sleep and feel like nobody cares and wonder why bother sharing if it is just a one way street and it really is time for a good old-fashioned human-like poor-me wah wah wah pity party but as i don't have time for even a decent seriously thoughtful entry i surely don't have time for that (unless i give up sleep and set myself up for going into work tired and vulnerable but the disfunctional family is not the place to walk in tired and vulnerable so i plod ahead sort of holding my breath treading water waiting for the next wave to crash overhead and enjoying the brief moments of laughter in the midst of the busy-ness and stupidity and all that...

bullsugar!

praise the chips and pass the ketchup

2011-03-16T00:53:00.000-04:00

somewhere back in time or maybe just a few moments ago in an entry that will not be found easily as it was predated just cuz i felt like it tonight there was an intention to do something (in the way she moves?) with that link but for the life of me i do not recall what or where or if i did, but then, for all the profound meaning some may find in the words or placement of pauses or entries, for that matter, they may as well be french fries for most of you cuz everything is better with bullsugar...

ketchup!

it's all about the flippancy

2011-03-11T00:16:00.005-05:00

even deep within the feelings so many fear and others put down and still others attack with vigor and stupidity, the point of life is to find the smiles behind the frowns and see the rainbows through the tears and tickle your funny bone even when your arm is broken or something like that...

being different

2011-02-28T23:58:00.001-05:00

being different is not acceptible in our culture, which is the clearest hypocrisy of all as the collective egocentric insecurity of humanity is quick to slam the lid on the box of anyone who steps out of it a little too far for collective comfort (from socrates to charlie sheen, from jesus to john lennon, from galileo to timothy leary), challenge the status quo, religion, politics, drug laws, anything people are afraid of or afraid to change, really, and you are ostracized… let's not even get into race, religion, politics, language, or simple physical appearance... just look like the majority and act different, challenge too much, and you are jailed or killed… different ideas are the thing that scare people most and will get you hurt or killed fastest... or in our supposedly enlightened humane modern world, sent to counseling which is basically a demand for conformity or else you’ll be prescribed drugs you do not want to take or have your freedom taken away… you know what that is, right?...

bullsugar!

like magic

2011-02-17T23:06:00.000-05:00

having no formal training in the html css whatever language in which this template was created i took a look at the code and tweak it here and there by intuitive genius cuz no other explanation can be found and low and behold i modified the appearance enough for me to not chuck the template completely but there still is stupidness in the changes made by whomever is credited below because it is still not the template i chose that was nearly perfect for this blog so whatever again and the way willed cuz there was...

bullsugar! :)

the werdness of the net

2011-02-17T22:15:00.001-05:00

the internet, that is, cuz there is a difference here in the bullsugar backfround template and i don't like it and don't know who changed it cuz the extra space at the top has no purpose and drops the words lower than they were and takes they whole effect i chose this template for, the colors, away by putting them above the words so it is time to change templates and that sucks cuz i liked the one i chose and whomever changed it did a wrong and they take claim for it down below it seems...

bullshit!

is?

2011-01-21T01:45:00.001-05:00

anybody wanna grow older with me? (cuz we're not gonna grow old, right?)... ah, but alas, the rub is there and that is that there is nobody i know who is around my age who is (wait, one is too many, aye?) plays softball and basketball and runs and stays up all night and still parties like a little kid and most younger folk just don't have the experience to understand and while their little bodies are cute, there is so much more going on in my mind than anybody else i know so long too and maybe that is the thing that gives me the impression that nobody is as i is (am) cuz those who are are actually being like me and i am not (is that so?) so (so?) whatever is the point of the promises we made if all the promises are broken in the end (and is that the way it is or just the way it is for me?) alas, again, the rub is there and is you?

bullsugar! :)

maybe i'm amazed at the way i giggle all the time

2011-01-14T01:27:00.000-05:00

maybe i'm amazed at the way you giggle at me cuz there is such a sweet adorableness in the proper (and even more in the improper, sometimes) giggle that any heart not melted instantly by the sound and body language and bounciness of the experience (giving or receiving, even) was probably stoned in another life (and a narc-type-a paranoid control freak god-fearing loser or some such offensive collection of meaningless word in this one) and if you frowned or got even the slightest bit uncomfortable or seriously wondering (or slightly, even) they you too need a good goosingly gotcha giggle yourself so step right up and see the amazing gigglemonster, half human and half giggle, performing feats of absolute adorableness right before your eyes and if you don't, well, sad for you i am, yoda too, even, and with this i gigglefart all the way home...

prophetic

2011-01-01T17:18:00.000-05:00

in a fleeting moment of semi-consciousness as i felt the start of my fifty-fifth year in this life, i thought, or perhaps just felt, that i might look back on this year amazed that i did not conceive more consiously or often that it could be the mid-point, the half way mark of this life that would last more than a century of this earthly time and with wonder or irony, seriously consider that i actually would i be here remembering that ephemeral thought from half a lifetime ago… i had not yet found my literary voice amidst the thousands of streams of consciousness that passed through my head and fingers into the written word each day, a circumstance that often lead my readers to label me with the then popular psychological diagnosis ADD (attention deficit disorder), to which i’d suggest with my usual serious irrverence that it could be an easy way to explain away a lack of comprehension of a multi-track stream of consciousness that has since been more clearly understood as synaptic multi-threading or intellectual agapism… yet the hope that something meaningful and worthwhile beyond my mind would emerge from all the time i spent putting words together kept the words flowing into whatever recording medium available along the way through this journey through this life, from crayon and drawing paper to pen and notebooks to keyboard and hard drive to electronic synaptic transfer to telepathic expression, unconcerned with the immediate reception, unwilling to modify the flow or style of the literary expression for the unconditional trust, the blind faith in the thought process compelled me to continue following the consceptualizations wherever they lead and if that was to be no more than selfish ego, then so be it… who then would have foreseen this moment would arrive that i would recall that evanescent emotional flash as prophetic when then, i simply mused casually over the irony of the possibility and the folly of my own delusion of human self-importance…

bullsugar! :)

unamericans

2010-12-18T01:59:00.000-05:00

(e)thereal has received almost 800 page views from outside of the borders of the usa according to in the past few months which is fun in a statistical game and fantasy kind of way and i wonder who looks in and why and whether anyone comes back cuz the whole point of public blogging is to put myself out here to be read and open to communication and feedback and responses even if it's salted with much grains most of the time (cuz wisdom overrules fantasy as age repeats the lessons and the rational mind gains pleasure in being right more than the irrational heart craves the adrenaline rush of the roller coaster of emotional chaos) there is still hope (always hope) that you were meant for me and i was meant for you, bejeweled, even, and blessed be the children, every one, while this little piggy full of excitement and hopefulness, sat back, relaxing and smiling all the way home :)

bullsugar! :)

loneliness

2010-11-28T20:51:00.000-05:00

feeling it more and more lately, especially after social experiences, which makes sense as the social experiences lack the depth and intimacy that satisfies the hunger that breeds loneliness while waking up that same hunger… i’ve always been lucky (or wise) enough to know how to party with myself, that is, to enjoy life alone… after all, the reality of the physical experience is that we exist in separate physical bodies, at least as far as our perception allows us to understand the experience at the moment, so the best we can do is accept the isolation of being in separate bodies and learn to enjoy the experience within, alone… that doesn’t mean that sharing isn’t wonderful fun and rewarding in many worthwhile ways, we just should not fool ourselves into believing we cannot live without someone else because we do, live in separate bodies… so the sharing we call love, or falling in love that creates a need for someone else, is an illusion… an illusion that feels magical as it inspires emotions that amaze and frighten and work on our emotions like a roller coaster works on our physical senses… and that emotion is the real, physical experience that sharing brings and the hunger for that real physical experience is loneliness… based on the illusion that we need someone else, it becomes such a real hunger that it can become a physical addiction… i’ve experienced that, but the loneliness i feel now is a deeper sighing wanting, more eternal and infinite than momentary imperative… the hunger is wanting more than the momentary compromise of superficial sharing… even more than what billy joel sings about in honesty, though there is an excellent expression of the first step, a prerequisite… get it?... anybody?... ah, but that’s the rub, or there’s the rub, to be more classically inclined… not just anybody can satisfy the hunger in me, in fact, no one has ever truly satisfied it and i am less willing to compromise with each passing year…

all that to say i am feeling lonely lately… and that’s no bullsugar, aye?... or is it?... sigh…

bullsugar! :)

deadlines

2010-11-19T13:06:00.004-05:00

i don't like deadlines, in fact, my subconscious (minds) rebels against deadlines so well that when i am presented with a deadline, the first thought process appears to be (not that i consciously think it, ya see) how bad will it be if i miss the deadline and i suppose that prioritizing deadlines is sensible, so i could rationalize it professionally and all, but i laugh at that even as i'll sell it well when it matters (like to keep a job or to put a smile on a friend's face, for instance... remember belated birthdays?) so anyway, when i come here to leave a few words to record bits and pieces of this life i experience for myself and anyone who cares, i smile happilly (sometimes gleefully) at the written words (for the love of words) and smile altruistically (sometimes euphorically) at the caring that keeps me coming back to record this life and smile wishfully (almost always blissfully peacefully) at the hope that keeps me sharing the words publically and i smile knowingly (sometimes wistfully) at the loneliness that wants someone to share the life i experience in words and in the physical space and time as i sit here hoping for a comment of some sort like the moment after i leave a few words here like "cool" or "yay" or "wow, wish i had your life" (ok, so the last one is ridiculous ego crap, but it's worth a try... or a laugh... i mean, i could have let libido slip one in like "oh, i love how you turn me on can i come over and jump your bones right now please?" but that would be cheesy, maybe even sappy {or chocolate icing and whipped cream if you are into food with your sex}, so i didn't), but even though i wish someone cared enough to be waiting for words and share back immediately, there is no deadline for a few caring words to be left here and was that a hint? and if you are not laughing, you were never really here :)

bullsugar! :)

the return of bliss

2010-10-20T23:15:00.000-04:00

well scooter, you might have noticed by now, i mean, if you've been reading me forever, that i give a lot and i mean alot and not just money, but everything, many times over... yup, i give and give and give and it has hurt to near death several times, at least, in this life... i mean $4 and the clothes on my back in the cold on the street near death, if you know what i mean (or even if you don't, few do, ever, but that changes nothing)... and even with empty hands, the giving continues... even when it appears hapless or pathetic, the giving continues... even when it burns the eyes, the heart, the mind, it continues... and still, the beauty of it all is i love the feeling of giving... and perhaps the most amazing thing of all is that when someone finally does give back, it's bliss...

what?... whatever

2010-10-08T02:11:00.002-04:00

i mean, like, whatever (seriously, this is serious, dichotomously bipolar, even)... right, so i finally sort of updated the primary entry page to my web world (the only one left since att deleted the main gate, burned down the front door, and smashed all the windows {sorry joey} and so many other pages, sigh, yes, the house crumbles, but the heart remains... and att sucks... what was i saying?), ah yes, the back door now (suddenly) has a brand semi-new coat of semi-gloss paint (semi cuz the code is not perfect and width and height of the new vitally important text will change and overlay the rest of the page with every screen size smaller than a 15 inch monitor, but it's still brand semi-new and hopefully improved and potently (or potentially, even) fortified with ironic (isn't it?) explanations of what the world wide web was and sort of still is all about for me, personally, i mean, as a writing addict... yeah, whatever, and i know, you may not have noticed, but i am rather addicted to writing, for whatever it means like so maybe now someone will find my still beating heart within the crumbled wreckage of deleted pages that was once my home on the web and we'll fall in love and live happily ever after... wouldn't it be nice? :)

or bullsugar! :)

kiss kiss (or mild abrasions)

2010-10-07T01:01:00.000-04:00

yeah, just like the europeans... or more intimate if you'd like, if you were here, and most important, if you were attractive to libido which is extremely unlikely, so almost nevermind, stick to the eurokisses... flippant flirtation or blunt rejection, your choice because you are the reader and the reader is always right... except in person, then the writer is always right... if you don't understand, nevermind... not even almost... it's all about the friction, after all... narf...

and bullsugar!

taste buddies

2010-09-25T20:19:00.000-04:00

there are just so sensitive and connected to my brain (and therein, every nerve ending and hormone producing gland and organ that shoots emotional fireworks throughout the mind and body, it is almost unfair that so many seem to detach and lose touch and have a love-hate relationship with them... taste buds, i mean... they are my buddies when all others fail or drift away, they remain (stuck in my mouth, i suppose, but they don't seem to mind cuz i give them what they love most of the time and they've learned to love so many things, i can balance the dietary choices so i don't weight a ton or have out of control unhealthiness in the body)... tonight, they provide one of the best orally inspired orgasms this body has experienced in a long time as they explode with joyous memories of new york pastrami and knishes... hooray for mail order food :)

and that's not bullsugar! :)

petition for time (partial addendum)

2010-09-19T04:27:00.001-04:00

actually, this is just a reminder to add this to the petition in proper petition language and all that formal stuff, but i am adding that to my petition to the universe for expansion of the earth's orbit (with the simultaneous heating of the sun so the daily temperature range remains relatively constant) because this body and mind i inhabit requires at least a 42 hour day for optimal comfort and productivity and saturdays should have an extra ten hours, at least, so a slight hiccup in the rotation of the planet needs to be built into the new orbits... so i hope the subatomic particles that designed the universe get on that right away...

the missing

2010-09-17T23:46:00.000-04:00

yeah, even though i haven't been home until almost midnight or beyond most nights and life is so very busy with fun and friends and work i love and giving and food and toys and softball and basketball and games i love and diverse groups of people sharing most of my diverse interests and some oddities and even some tv now and then, i miss you and the song just keeps playing on another endless repeat... and me too, i miss me too...

bullsugar! :)

2, 3, 4 (once again)

2010-09-15T23:45:00.000-04:00

as in she was just seventeen (and you know what i mean), and the way she looked... oh baby, you know what i like cuz, well, oh... hours ago i arrived at this domicile in which I sleep when I sleep and I’ll entry that time later with a backdatestamp (it’s a new word, look it up when the future gets here) so you’ve already read it unless you are not reading chronologically and then all hell may break loose in your time stream so don’t get hung up on the line or it’ll be bullsugar, or something like that… last night, once again, meg and dia blue me away once again, last night, and again, it would be so explosive if she let it happen, but does she have as much guts as she dreams of or would she crumble like every other human due to fear of something or other… holy moses it was love at first site...

meanwhile, in another blog (snarfuckle :)

for those who missed the party (o!)

2010-09-11T13:47:00.000-04:00

the following was found (or lost) on facebook recently (reproduced here complete with typos and follow-up comments from the lunatic fringe):

yes, of course i should (have been) sleeping, but that's when the babbler wants to play most (among other sleepy semi-buried aspects of my personality, but those require a partner or some sort of inflatable ummmm, never mind)... i felt some... of that ol' time religion (not to be confused with human religions) last night and threw a chocolate milk party for the words, though it didn't get very far... heavy chocolate milk, ya know, challenging to throw, so the mess was surprisingly small... and for the confused, refer to page three of appendix g or the handbook on understanding me, if you can find it in your local bookstore... if not, sense an abundance of time to shared experiences, incorporated, and we'll put you on the waiting list... a winning lottery tocket or the equivolent will rush your order to the front of the line, in case you come across such a beast... and not that my eyes are open again, i think it's time for basketball... see you when i get back (i'll shower first, just to keep from dripping all my sweaty goodness on the keyboard... saturday night live later, not the tv version, but the home version, home you have fun too {hope, there's always, ya know?} :)

This message has been brought to you by the Chocolate Milk Association for World Acceptance.

obviously had extra o's this morning... abun-dance typo-o's (positive, please)... out to play ball now, b-goooood....

rolling

2010-09-04T01:54:00.000-04:00

thinking about music thanks to a list-making moment or few and dancing in the dark all by myself, doesn't matter what i wanna be or not to be, the question has no answer (or 42), but there are many different ways to rolling and kinds of rolling and i'm just kind of rolling along right along alonger than there are whatever the song said, whichever song it was... there might have been a reason in the seasons of the heart but something change from the way it was at the start and i don't know what it means to you but it's the way it has to be there is still just one dream this true and it means everything to me...

all the rest is bullsugar!

perception

2010-08-29T02:45:00.000-04:00

from time to time, when communication matters and curiosity about the world outside of my head has enough attention (not just pop news but a more personal view), i wonder how words in post like this one are received (perceived), remembering the oft quoted (by me, at least) We do not see things as they are. We see them as we are. (Talmud, Nin, others), i suppose those who feel lonely or self-pity will see much of both in my words and those who are more self-actualized and content will see the irreverence and humor i usually (almost always) feel as i write the words... feel free to tell me, even i am dead when you do :)

dreams

2010-08-26T01:41:00.000-04:00

slept for at least five hours and woke with thoughts of $ on my head, rare as anything, but distinct thoughts of retirement funds and inheritence and death and taxes and people that i have let drift out of touch and ambivalence about reconnecting with the whole thing and before that i was reunioning with professional atheletes at some international festival and feeling a comradering while hugging two for an extended arm and arm affection while watching some celebration on tv and out the window off a balcony and feeling more connection than i ever feel in everyday life and i almost never remember dreams, aye? :}

nuts

2010-08-14T15:40:00.001-04:00

I have been wondering of late about mixed nuts, specifically about the ratio of one type of nut to the other in the mixture… for instance, is the ratio regionally dependant… do the nut mixes have more of one of the other type of nut if a certain kind of nut grows more prevalently in a given location?... if we looked at the contents of a box of nuts from france, for instance, would it be consitutionally different than a box of nuts from china?... would there be differences in the constituency of nuts from north korea, india, iraq, isreal, south africa, new zealand, canada, or chile?... I think someone should travel the world to explore the many different varieties of nuts and see how they mix…

web journeys

2010-08-13T23:36:00.008-04:00

cazzy music
ignorance + arrogance --> paranoid and 1
world hunger facts
love at first site and 1 2 3 4
four virtes
get off your grass
a wilder lawn
rawsome
facebook
twitter

weird feeling

2010-08-07T00:08:00.001-04:00

way tired, way happy, way excited (or is that agitated) way sad way so much clarity, infinite altruism taken so for granted it continues through carefree apathy... giving unconditionally into a vacuum returns nothing but the pleasure of giving, yet how long can a negative energy field survive in a vacuum?... or a positive one, even... curiously refreshing...

retro scratchin

2010-08-06T00:53:00.000-04:00

no really no no no really really really this ought to have been a passive sentence in bullsugar not the real, aye? e e e yeah...

bullsugar! :)

cha cha cha ha ha ha ha

2010-08-01T22:53:00.000-04:00

don't you ever get tired of the emo whining over at the daily life blog (aka e-the-real)?... i mean, come on, the pathos is pathetic and all but swallows all hope for rational thought (loneliness swallows positivity letting fear consume hope, such a human way, nyuk, nyuk, narf lol lam laa)...

there may never be enough time for anyone to really travel back to understand it all, after all, many of the online babblings and rhymes are no longer there and the online writings make up but a fraction of the lifetime written gardens and this is just one life, cha know? :)

and what good is any of it without love? :)

glory box

2010-07-31T19:12:00.000-04:00

there was a time i masturbated daily, often more than once a day, cuz that was the comfortable place my sexuality lived... and today i realized after a wonderful bit of self-loving that days go by lately and even more surprising is how long it's been since i shared the experience with someone else... portishead singing glory box as i woke from a quick deep nap probably flashed some memory cells... i wonder if libido is dying...

bullsugar! :}

lol 222

2010-07-30T21:11:00.000-04:00

living life alone can produce such a singluar perspective even for one striving for infinite perspective and openness of mind... this is the primary vitality (or vital-ness, cuz words are so queer sometimes) of sharing, bonding, intimacy, and ultimately, trusting another's perspective... the difference between to extremely similar things can be so vast, a molecule change can make a chemical have almost the opposite properties... just wait until the figuer out brain chemistry, i mean, life (especially the real, ya know?) can seem so serious, so analytical, so worrisome and concerning and, oh, serious, ya know?... but the subtle changes, even in words, can be dramatic... i mean, there is even harm in harmony, after all...

cheap skates

2010-07-28T16:50:00.000-04:00

and the time, i say, the time goes by so slowly and, you know, the time can mean so much, i say, so much... listen to me boy, i'm talkin' time here (dull boy, wouldn't know a timepiece from a piece of cake)...

who's paying attention?...

cheapskates :P

someday, my sleep will come

2010-07-12T01:42:00.000-04:00

yeah, i say someday because it definitely does not come at night without some conscious effort... too much to do, to many dreams to explore (awake), too much to write about, too much to share... there really is not enough awake time in this life...

wondering about you

2010-07-11T01:21:00.002-04:00

yeah, so you see (if you've paid attention, looked around lately, are aware, and care) that the casual cool self-mockery is back (dorky narf)... and i will keep hoping life was fun for you today every day even if you never know (oh, is ignorance really bliss?... you really ought to get in touch, i mean, all this silent time is making me wonder if you are still alive {better than wondering if all your caring was a lie, aye?}... emo snark)... and besides, you matter even more when you are in touch, ya know? (not so depressed that you don't care if you matter, are ya?)...

bullsugar!

silly peoples

2010-07-09T03:14:00.001-04:00

well, now that you are finslly here, you do realize you are missing all the fun, don'tcha?...

and bullsugar!

creative insomnia

2010-07-07T03:30:00.000-04:00

i closed my eyes (only for a moment then the moment's gone?... well, sort of {and we grin a silly mostly all-knowing grin} but more, a starting out sincere {but ending up half-hearted} intent to fall asleep), cuz the mind wizzes and waddles and rambles and rants through oil rigs and imaginary diety chats and softball replays and some sort of enlightenment and how humanity got so bent and ear rings that never stop screaming and a mind that never stops dreaming and books i want to read and things i want to do and games i want to play and promises i made to you and activities i want to share and people i want to see and way i want to care and ways i want to be and stuff i want to know and work that must be done and finding time to run and all the fun of the fair and clean air and long hair and blank stares and red chairs and dead birds blackened on the beach and people who don't practice what they preach and grown men who abuse the kids they teach and stars that remain just out of reach and theme parks where i want to play and rides i want to ride all day and stories seeking the time to tell and rhymes i used to know so well...

bullsugar! :)

alakasasafrass

2010-06-30T19:18:00.001-04:00

note that is with two esses, as one would be very different... and once again (or at least almost if you know what i mean, amazement swims in those bright brown eyes... or whatever color they may be today... and you, dear loves lost in ignorance, are missing the party, the story, the journey through the magical mystery tour of the mind that i experience (not to mention the web world)... for all you see is what you see...

bullsugar! :)

oh yeah

2010-06-29T02:36:00.000-04:00

so many ways to say the words, oh yeah... ohhh yyeeahhh... deep voice, high voice, sexy voice, laughing boive, sly clever almost evil voice... and the home made frappacino i made last night and tonight have taken me to all of them... OHHH YEA-AH!...

and the youtubes deep thoughts, laughter, toons, and music have definitely helped... it has been so long since i gave myself the nights, the time to explore and set my mind free... and thought this six day trek was just scratching the surface, at least it got scratched...

oh yeah :)

lemonade alternative

2010-06-25T00:40:00.001-04:00

life has been presenting a series of lemons of late and sometimes, i tired of making lemonade, no matter how sweet it comes out...

so tonight i made some serious chocolate milk...

with bullsugar! :)

fog the horn, i say, leg, that is

2010-06-23T19:10:00.001-04:00

i don't recall, that is, is say i don't remember, quite, i say boy (boy's about as sharp as a bowling ball), see i moved a while back and forget whether i started over in a new space as i am apt to almost always do, i think, every time, at least in some way... and then, a little while later, another major change in living space, two roommates moved in (one's a dog, i say, the four legged kind) and the revelational refreshing of the flow may not have happened...

strange, the flow appearing so unaffected... must've died and nobody told me... but the toon (boy's gotta mind like a steel trap... full of mice), i say the toon lives, aye? :)

flying solo

2010-06-20T13:45:00.000-04:00

some days, being alone is a beautiful place to be... keeping in touch with the real elsewhere... and the music returns... do you know what i mean? :)

the words and music are out there if you want to know what's passing through my head today, if you have the time to let the journey envelope you or if you simply want background music... i believe i had a very beautiful day when i put this particular playlist together... and softball later, but for the moment, relaxing... can you relax this much? :)

should do this more often :)

wunnerfulworld

2010-06-19T05:41:00.002-04:00

yeah, ya know, with a musical soundtrack, life is better than a movie...

wigglewaggle

2010-06-16T18:49:00.000-04:00

wiggle... waggle... whatever it means today, it's a fun little dance of the mind as fatigue tickles the synapses until giggles make sense, in fact, it is well on the road to that nameless place where giggles make more sense than anything else... if you've never ben there, you have my sincerest deepest sympathies...

and how was your day? :)

taking care of beeswax

2010-06-09T01:49:00.000-04:00

sleeping less this week again, stimulated by sports, in the flesh and on the tube, and watching the craigyferg guy bare his naked ego all over the screen... posting on twitter and faceboon, serious and nonsense, you'll just have to search to find that crap... but i love all you friends and followers, really i do...

and you too :)

hate to leave ya hanging

2010-06-04T01:09:00.000-04:00

of course hate is used with carefree flippancy and the phrase itself is one of the most over-used misnomers in language in our culture as people cross hypocrisy with insincerity most among the gifts they give each other so what if i slap the phrase around here in this jewel of casual sarcasm, el bullsugaro...

yeah, some might care somewhere... and you'll find me there :)

if you ever get there :}

memorial day

2010-05-31T04:25:00.001-04:00

remembers long before the web when i was but a wee lad serving in uncle sam's marching machine in the war torn town of monterey california (just north of carmel by the sea, forty miles north of big sur), i ment one of my many mentors, a man from a hundred ten miles north in san francisco where i spent many a wonder-filled weekend in those wild and crazy days of youth, and as if for the first time all over again he inspired my wide eyed laughter with another post card meant to be sent through smail mail and this one lept from the mailbag to remind me with love and laughter of those times i gave to this country so truly and simply...

"Please don’t ask me to keep in step – It’s hard enough just to stay in line." ~ Ashleigh Brilliant

some rest

2010-05-30T01:07:00.000-04:00

yes, some rest, not enough, but a large doze of much needed rest... and the tip of the massive bloat of fatigue and excess peeks out from the depths where reality is buried by the daily grind of rushed habits that too easily becomes life, a very thin imitation of the true potential of the word... life is not only bullsugar, after all...

we can do much better...

balance

2010-05-25T23:44:00.000-04:00

losing interest in the daily word, the illusion that people are out there caring, reading, keeping in touch in a silent vigil as only a devoted reader does... these momentary moods don't last long, but the flow of words may spread around and therein slow down here and in other daily places... that is the real in the writing life... sometimes, for the balance and benefit of all, but most especially me, some selfish time is taken...

facebook

2010-05-24T01:27:00.001-04:00

spending a lot of time on facebook of late as the past and present seem to merge in a timeless wonderland of memory and reconnection... don't know how long before the next web playground supplants facebook and there are some warning signs, but it is fun... at least for the moment (and a touch of twitter too :)

one more night

2010-05-17T21:21:00.000-04:00

again, just another day, again, take it to the limit (almost) one more time, again, sorta, kinda, well, not really... it's all a touch of drama just to keep the boredom at bay, or so the slight of hand, fingering, and characters might lead you to believe... but really, it's all the maze that moves the mountains and makes the mayrtyrdom seem authentic and bearable, the maze that produces palpable pondering between the lines and around the edges so that most of all, the loneliness does not swallow the abyss that keeps hope alive, the same maze that maintains the loneliness...

or maybe it's just... bullsugar! :)

maintaining quo

2010-05-16T05:25:00.000-04:00

status or otheriwse, sometimes hanging on by the skin of the teeth (as if teeth had skin), other times just holding breath and hoping it all doesn't fall apart, we continue to muddle through the bullsugare and worse, the crap that produces neither amusement, education, or other worth in other to believe that everything is gonna be alright no matter what...

and the rest of the time it's mostly...

bullsugar! :)

day after day

2010-05-13T22:31:00.000-04:00

alone on a hill, even... with a slight craving for chocolate i consider going out even as 11pm approaches and probably will distract myself with the mentalist instead because the news sucks (humans are just a sad species, pathetically violent and stupid, but perhaps i am even stupider as i hold on to hope for humanity, aye?.. day after day, even)...

save the humans!

work, play, friends, fun

2010-05-11T22:18:00.000-04:00

all squeezed into every single day along with good food and tv distractions and artistic amusements and games and did i mention fun?... but what about the love?...

love is everywhere all around inside outside up side down, love is all the energy and sharing and giving and wonder and excitement and joy (and even sorrow, but not the heavy weighty depressing sorrow you might be used to) and passion and awareness and life we live (if you live it, i mean)... but what about...

ah yes, the intimacy... missing the intimacy... the wonderfulness all sqrrzed into every single day could even be more amazingly wondrous... good to have something to look forward to :)

our google controllers

2010-05-05T00:27:00.000-04:00

why do the powers at blogger/google demand i re-enter my user name and password at random moments when i am inspired to write... is it so they can stifle my creativity by blocking my writer while i am searching for my latest password?... or is it just an ocd control freaky thing like most power mad successful folk do?...

or is it phishing?...

bullsugar!

twitter?

2010-05-02T04:28:00.000-04:00

i have not yet begun to tweet!

bullsugar!

more to follow

2010-05-01T14:03:00.000-04:00

as it is mayday, may day, maybe a day of calling for help or a day for new rebirth (i prefer the latter, though the beatles song still plays in the background now and then, as does never walk alone and so many others, but then, so does the fun and frolic of communication in the moment that the likes of facebook and the online world provides... still, i want to play around the physical environs today, so maybe later...

more bullsugar! :)

time to discover

2010-04-28T23:15:00.002-04:00

it takes time to discover and life leaves most of us so little time to do anything but work and shop and eat and sleep (and do a few bodily functions in between)... but still, make time to discover...

even if it's bullsugar!

flying time

2010-04-21T00:09:00.000-04:00

before i can catch my breath there's another day and another night and another week and another month and blink, life passed and not even right before my eyes cuz my eyes were blurry with fatigue and distracted by so many other bullsugar and whatevers...

wish you were here :}

could have fallen

2010-04-20T00:03:00.003-04:00

asleep, that is... there was a time when i could have fallen in love at the drop of a hat, or any article of clothing, in fact, or a blink of the eye, to be more exact, from afar, up close, at first sight, in reality, in fantasy, even purely in my imagination, but that does not happen much anymore... so i stayed awake anyway...

and whatever will be will be :)

2010-04-18T22:59:00.004-04:00

fourty four blogs here at blogspot (though not all listed on my profile and a few shared)... thirty diaries at diaryland (though only about thirteen actually developed with theme and entries and all of those mostly sleeping these days)... and a few journals at live journal have long slept as well... and other elsewhere, some of which can be found here... why?... i am mentioning it because i want attention and feeback... i do it because releasing myself, real and imaginary, into words is cathartic...

also... so much bullsugar... and then some...

missing the point?

2010-04-17T11:51:00.000-04:00

for visual and egocentric reasons i am sure (figure of speech, even), i am slightly addicted to my current entry in my video me blog cuz it's fun and i miss fun so very much... and the physical, i miss the physical... and life, i miss life... love, of course i miss precious love most of all... i'd like a profound thunderstorm about now... i miss nature too... i work too much...

bullsugar!

yeah, what (must be again)

2010-04-16T21:16:00.002-04:00

somewhere along the way yeah, what? with and without the question marks must have been the title of a blog (or journal or diary entry) and if the many thousands of entries were catalogued, we'd know, wouldn't we?... so?... yeah, right (ditto)...

meanwhile, this blog called bullsugar may have lost it's way (or it's energy) as it drifts through a slow semi-silent phase (obviously influenced by the lack of time {and energy} for letting the mind go where it will go {not fixing the holes, aye?} as works swallows all it can)...

still, there is the faint breath of irreverence... somewhere...

or a blue-green sneeze from the left, at least :)

minor wonders

2010-04-13T23:36:00.000-04:00

i wonder what this blog was going to be about before it became whatever it is about, if anything... i wonder if i would like the american idol singers if i heard them for the first time today instead of having followed them for weeks and grown slightly attached to the whole singer success dream.. i wonder why nobody tells me they read my words if anybody ever does read my words... i wonder why human being let fear destroy life's potential... i wonder if anybody knows what bullsugar means...

may i?

2010-04-10T11:56:00.000-04:00

more rested than in many many months and yet, still quite groggy, only demonstrating the need for an extended sleep (vacation) type event and since that has not occurred with any comfort since the mid-nineties, it would seem to be about time (it's always about time)... so commit?... this year, for sure... this season, most likely... this month, perhaps, but may may make matters more manageable for manipulating time, maybe... merry merry, no doubt :)

orgasms were never like this

2010-04-09T01:14:00.000-04:00

reading gogreen who?... laci?) tonight and lead to tinybuddha (as opposed to skinny buddha or the original fat guy, i suppose)... perhaps profound (craigyferg?) and what (the fuk?) or maybe love is all we need, but i haven't even gotten started yet, really (following idol after all) and brain exploding through the right eye and left ear, it was bound to happen...

bullsugar!

exhausterated

2010-04-08T23:45:00.000-04:00

headache in right eye most of the day, ear screaming at feverish pitch, hit like crap tonight, but pitched great, still lost 8-7 cuz of errors and crappy hitting by the rest of the team... headache in right eye and ear screaming did not help... at all... keeping me awake?... life... liberty... and the pursuit... and...

bullsugar! :)

when i'm sixty four

2010-04-06T00:27:00.000-04:00

i wonder if i will still be here... alive, even...

bullsugar!

not enough energy

2010-04-04T23:48:00.001-04:00

bullsugar requires 17.13 joules of energy to not be crap and there has not been quite that much lately... so this is crap... crap bullsugar... deal with it...

narf...

rhestoric

2010-04-02T00:28:00.000-04:00

miles to go before i sleep, still have promises to keep...

believe...

over under

2010-04-01T00:17:00.003-04:00

future bullsugar forcasts sex is not overrated, just undernourished...

bullsugar!

heavy?

2010-03-29T00:43:00.000-04:00

another week begins in a few hours and i am in that limbo stasis between independently secure perfect peace happy happy joy joy and that wondering wandering doubt if an unshared life is a waste of it's true purpose (which opens the door to all sorts of illusions, delusions, and ethereal perspectives and mental constructs from sci-fi to the supernatural to spirituality to normal human insecurity and fear-based dependencies...

i so much prefer the happy happy where i usually find myself, but i do dangle my toes in the human madness just cuz it is everywhere in this physical world and i am a physical body here...

mostly it comes from wanting to share so much i feel lonely and extreme long term fatigue allows me to consider buying into to the delusion of needing to share with a soulmate to make this life all it can be, or something like that...

heavy bullsugar? (lol :)

laughing memories

2010-03-27T14:38:00.000-04:00

wisdom would suggest sleep at this moment, but craving calls for ny pushcart hot dogs cuz i saw them while walking downtown after the milessa ferrick concert and i did not buy any cuz jackson is a healthy influence, mostly, sorta, when i want her to be, and she bought the concert tickets (so i treated for sushi)... so i shopped on the way home as planned cuz i needed basic stuff and some ny pushcart hot dogs and onions in tomatoe sauce jumped into the cart and followed me home... i deny any knowledge of how it might have happened... they are cooking themselves as i type this and shortly, they will most likely stuff themselves in my mouth at which point i will be left with no choice but to chew and swallow or choke...

20 minutes later...

it might help if i actually put the hot dogs into the boiling water...

bullsugar! :)

somewhere inside

2010-03-23T01:49:00.000-04:00

bullsugar brews... there's just not enough time and the fatigue has depressed the fluffiness (and bullsugar without fluffiness is quite messy and tastes like bad artificial sweetener)... so i won't force it...

at least i'll try not to...

it's a gas gas gas

2010-03-17T02:25:00.000-04:00

i like excitable gases and i cannot lie... also like elves and sprites... someday i'd like to lay back and sleep inder the aurora...

blog addict

2010-03-15T01:06:00.000-04:00

addicted to reading blogs or addicted to writing blogs or both... for me, my blogging addiction is primarily tied into my writing addiction, so i fall into the addicted to writing blogs group, however i too easily slide into the addicted to reading (and viewing) group, so i am both, with stronger pull toward the writing...

even when it is costing me by the byte...

grrrr, bullsugar!

losing touch

2010-03-14T01:26:00.000-05:00

and if all goes well, i will find - i will make the time (by focusing and organizing my energies) to return and catch up and it will seem as though i never lost touch or anything, not even a beat... perhaps... and that will only fit in as well as the name of this blog can be, sweet bull... but until then, it is a less sweet, swiss cheesy taste of disconnect and disjoint... the laughter of the madman, the patients of the saint, and the smile of charlie brown, in a word...

bullsugar! :}

hurry up and wait

2010-03-07T08:28:00.002-05:00

humans are so conditioned to the military regime that they demand it of themselves and each other in just about every organized activity they attempt to organize… and since my circadian rhythm and mind clock is way different than most humans of this day and age, what can be expected… they must not rule my regime… so I will be late or early most times, and most times late, to their parties because there are so many other things to do in the time they arrive early just to wait…

bullsugar!...